Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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