I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
