someone get that fucking seahorse.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
