She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
