i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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