I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
