i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
