I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
