You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
