i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
