And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
