you traded sex for a burrito?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
