Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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