Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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