I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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