Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
