Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
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I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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