There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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