i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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