you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
