I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't want my vagina anymore.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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