Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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