the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
