dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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