I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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