Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize