I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Two words: nipple clamps
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