White coat. Heels.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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