omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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