I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
