I wish I only lived at night.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
