is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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