If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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