Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
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I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
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I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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