so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
