Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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