Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
