we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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