I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize