Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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