just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
false alarm. still invincible.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
