They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize