why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
