I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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