i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My breasts were aching with rage.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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