the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
