no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i was born a porn star she said
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
