How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
