He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
