Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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