i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
