When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
