You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
