Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
