nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
