apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
