Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
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Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
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As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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