life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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