Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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