Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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