Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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