I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
