if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize