you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
