Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
